Monday, March 31, 2014

Sweet Girl Blessings

I had my post partem check up today.  My doctor was running an hour behind because he had to be the bearer of bad news and when that happens he doesn't just leave the room. 

I can't even imagine.  I can't imagine walking into the OB expecting to hear I am expecting to find out I am not, or that something with the baby is wrong.  I can't imagine struggling with infertility and being told I will never be able to carry my own baby, or that I may be able to carry a baby, but not to term.  I just can't imagine. 

And then, I am reminded of these sweet little girl blessings I have.  I am so thankful for them and so grateful that God has entrusted me with them.  They are beautiful, healthy little girls and we are so blessed to have them. 

Motherhood is tiring, monotonous, sacrificial, menial, and never ending.  But, there is also great joy that comes with being a mom. 

I am so thankful for the blessings of these little girls.  For the constant princess movies Ava already loves, for the frills and pink every where, for the baby dolls that are laying around in my family room, for the messy hands and faces with peanut butter stuck to them, for the food that has been thrown on the floor, for the soaked clothes I am wearing after their baths, for the dirty diapers and dirty diapers gone wild, for dancing to music, for reading the same books over and over again, for the never ending bottles and sippy cups to clean, for the crazy hair days (and with Ava that is every day!)

I am a lucky girl and a grateful mom. Lord, thank you for these blessings and help me to remember this on days that don't go as planned.  Help me to remember the pain others are feeling who would long for those blessings. 

Ava is 16 Months!

Ava Elizabeth Alford
16 Months old
around 23 pounds
I am in love with this little thing!  She is always so funny and full of life.  She is becoming more and more independent, but it is fun to watch her try things on her own.  She hardly ever gets upset if she can't figure something out.  She falls and gets back up!  I mean that figuratively and literally.  Because of this independence she insists upon, we have had a lot more cuts and scrapes, bit lips, bruised legs. 
This month she has gotten to experience riding in the car in a whole new way.  It is like a whole new world to her.  She will point at things and say, "whats that?" I usually don't have a clue what she is pointing at. 

This girl still loves to read! She looks at books and talks to them.  I think she is trying to read them.  Sometimes, she will just sit for like an hour and peruse through her books.  We are starting to get a little rougher with them which bothers this mommy.  I have had to doctor up a few and remind her that "We are book readers, not book beaters or eaters." 
Ava will sometimes grace us with compliance and show us where her belly, ears, eyes, and nose are.  She will also sometimes be obliged to say these words:
  • No (her favorite)
  • hey
  • bye
  • all done
  • okay
  • ball
  • dada
  • Sally (Sal)
  • Mama (this is the word she uses for me and grandma comes out mama)
  • Whas that?
  • yay and always with a clap
  • you and she will point at you
  • papa
  • cat
  • puppy (pup pup)
  • shoe
  • thank you
  • Amen
  • cookie (coo coo)
  • shh
  • clap (cop cop cop)
  • Wow
  • baby
  • uh oh
  • Oh no
  • BOO!
Ava is showing more and more interest in food.  Mommy is going to have to get real creative, though, because she seems to get bored with what I give her to eat real quick.  Ava is also drinking out of a sippy cup with a straw.  This might seem like a big deal to most people, but for this mommy it is.  I thought she would never give up a bottle.  She is loving ice cream.  At Sweet Frog's she had cookies and cream frozen yogurt and she has also enjoyed a bowl or two of that here at home. 
Those piggy tails crack me up
Eating frozen yogurt at Sweet Frog's
Ava still loves the movies Frozen, Tangled, and Brave. 
Here she is watching one of those 3 movies while mommy is getting things ready to go bye bye
Ava loves to go to the park or greenway.  She loves to be outside and I love for her to be outside!  Sun is good for the soul.  And it is finally warming up enough so we can enjoy the outdoors. 


All things considered, Ava is doing really well with her transition to becoming a big sister.  Sometimes I have to remember that she is still a baby, herself.  She loves to love on Sally and likes to help us burp her and she always wants to hold her.  She gives her hugs and kisses and it is the sweetest thing.  Every once in a while, if she gets in trouble and Sally is nearby, she will take it out on her sister, or try to before we snatch Sally up.  But, all in all, I think she loves her sister.  Ava has always been a sweet spirit and very social, so I think she enjoys having the extra person always around. 
Some of my favorite things about this month:
~the words she is trying to say
~how loving she has been
~ how excited she gets when we pick her up from nursery
~ how she doesn't know a stranger
~her very contagious laugh
~how she will hold our hands during the prayer and say "Amen" at the end
~pulling Winston on the leash
~her love for life
These are just cute pictures of her under the kitchen chair.  She likes to get under there and say BOO!


Monday, March 24, 2014

Busted Blood Vessel...among other things

Yesterday, at church, I noticed Sally had a small collection of blood in the white of her right eye.  Of course, this Mama Bear went all sorts of crazy.  I worried and fretted all the rest of the day, even after most everyone said it was nothing to worry and fret over.  We kept our eye on it the rest of the day and it never got worse, so that did give me some peace of mind. 

I called the pediatrician the next morning, as soon as they opened.  Here is where I get a little unnerved.  I called at 8:32.  They open at 8:30.  The receptionist said the nurse would call me back.  I waited...and waited............and waited.  I delayed putting Ava down for her nap because I was certain that they would call as soon as I did that.  Finally, I just decided I had to go about my day.  I kept the phone with me at all times and did things as normal.  At 11:40, they call and want to see Sally.  And they want to see her at 12:30.  Here's the thing: I live 30 minutes away.  So I asked if we could push it back a bit.  I tell her I have a 15 month old who is napping and that I would really like to feed her lunch before we head that way because I know she will be a bear 1) because she didn't get to eat and 2) because her nap was cut short.  She usally sleeps from 11:00 until 1:00.  The nurse actually said in an annoyed tone of voice, "Can't you just give her some snacks?" and told me that they were very booked and would not be able to see me later.

I rushed around to get things ready.  We got in the car by 12:00.  I then look at my gas gauge and see we are on empty.  I had to stop for gas.  I get about 10 minutes away and stop.  But, guess what?  I left my wallet on the kitchen table.  SERIOUSLY????? I call the pediatrician office and explain to them the predicament I am in.  They have the nurse call me back.  It is the same nurse that called earlier and now she sounds REALLY annoyed.  But you know what? I am REALLY annoyed, too.  They had all morning to call me.  I was available ALL morning. If nothing else, they could have called me in the morning and set up an appointment.  So, they double booked me with Sally's primary doctor for 2:00.  So, I got my wallet and got gas, made a quick trip to Target and headed to the doctor. 

The doc said Sally's eye has a busted blood vessel that will probably go away in 6-8 weeks.  It was probably caused by her straining to go to the bathroom or by a really bad cry she had.  Either one of those could be the case because she does strain to poop and when she gets mad, boy is she mad! 

I am glad to know she is ok.  The other good news from today is that I was able to handle (with some bribing of the iphone and the throat stick at the doctor's office that tastes like grape) both girls and their doctor was impressed at how I was handling it and how calm I was.  Yay!  I am getting there...slowly but surely! 

In other news:

Ava is now facing forward in her carseat.  She likes this "new world" she is living in

Sally went from 9 lbs. 6.8 ozs. on Friday to 9 lbs. 9 ozs. on Monday.

Ava can wear her hair in a half's still is a mess and very difficult to do anything with.  And she WON'T wear any hairbows or headbands...little booger

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Sally's 1 month

Sally Jean Alford
1 Month old

Dear Sally,
          Your first month went by so fast!  Unfortunately, this first month hasn't come without its own set of problems, but with God's help and the support of family and friends, we made it through.  When I first set my eyes on you, I was so in love.  You were beautiful and amazing.  You had quite the set of lungs on you.  I remember thinking how much louder your cry was than your big sister.  You cried the entire time you were in the operating room.  I also remember thinking you were twinsies with your big sister.  However, you soon took on a look of your own.  However, there is most certainly no question that you two are related!  Our days in the hospital were peaceful and great.  I got to have some great bonding time with you, especially at night.  I did let the nurse take you to the nursery for one nap, so I could get a nap in.  But I remember just being so ansy to get my hands back on you.  I held you as much as I could.  I am very thankful for that alone time with you. 
          We went home on Friday, February 21, 2014.  I was ready to get you home and start life with my family of 4.  I was feeling great, recovering extremely well from the c-section.  We got home and things were going really well.  Daddy and I were handling the stress of having a newborn and a 14 month old well.  We were handling the no sleep schedule well.  We were juggling the different tasks well.  We had family over Sunday to snap pictures of you and to spend some time with you. And everything was good. 
          The next week was a lot harder...I mean A LOT!  Mommy and Daddy both got sick with food poisoning.  Grandma had to come over and take care of all of us.  Thank goodness for Grandma.  We would not have made it without her. When I was sick, I was scared to touch you because I was afraid we might be sick with something other than food poisoning and we might get you and your sister sick.  So, even though I hate to admit this, I didn't touch you for like 3 days...only because I was worried about your health.  We decided that the week Daddy went back to work, we would go stay at your grandparent's house.  Mommy was very emotional and scared to take care of you and your sister by herself..  Once again, grandma came to the rescue and really took care of us.  She got very attached to you.  She says there is something very familiar about you.  You resemble me and your uncle, Jeremy. 
          After a week at grandma's, I knew I needed to get home and start taking care of you girls by myself.  So, we went home and I am happy to say, we are getting the hang of things.  Mommy is getting better at this mommy thing and we are figuring our day schedule out. 
          You still wake up every 3-4 hours like clockwork.  You do not hesitate to let us know when you are hungry or have a dirty diaper.  You have a very LOUD cry.  You are eating about 3-4 ounces of formula.  However, there are some times when you only want an ounce or two.  You have many wet diapers every day.  So, at least your plumbing is working.  You do struggle with number 2's from time to time and I have to get out the prune juice.  You are still swimming in newborn clothing.  But I have moved you up to size one diapers, not really because the newborn size doesnt fit you, but because we ran out and I have size one diapers to use. 
          You enjoy sleeping in the BOPPY seat, which you do pretty much all day unless someone is holding you.  You like your pacifer with the wub a nub.  You do not prefer to be naked, but like to be warm and cozy in clothing.  You lost the belly button thing around week 3.  You are not a fan of baths, and the first bath I gave you, you decided to poop during it.  You are trying to hold your head up and it is so cute and wobbly.  You have brown eyes.  It took forever for us to see your eyes because you slept so much the first couple weeks (except at night). 
          Right now, I do most of your feedings, but daddy does the one right before we go to bed and the next one.  I admit it is difficult for two people to get up in the middle of the night to feed you because your Mommy and Daddy LOVE their sleep.  But, once we start feeding you, your precious face is hard to resist.  When you eat, you drool a lot of your food on yourself.  You are quite messy.  I have noticed that sometimes you struggle most with your nighttime feedings.  I am not sure what is going on there. 
          Things I have loved about this month:
~meeting you for the first time
~feeling your soft skin
~you holding your head up the best you can
~when your sister gives you some love
~your very loud burps
~your tiny toesies
~how you study whoever is holding you
~those brown eyes
~how you aren't afraid to make your requests known
Sally, even though its only been a month, and not every bit of it has been easy, we cannot imagine our family without you.  You have found a permanent place in our hearts and in our home.  We cannot wait to see what God has in store for you and I pray every day that He writes His name all over you.  We love you so much!


Monday, March 17, 2014

St. Patrick's Day, what?

Well, year 2 of not teaching and holidays like St. Patty's Day escape me.  I look forward to the days when Ava and Sally are able to do fun things on these holidays, but right now they are too young.  I didn't even dress them in green because I realized it was St. Patricks Day after I already dressed them and changing Ava is like changing an octopus and it just plain upsets Sally, so I decided, "who really cares?!?"

Today I accomplished something I have been terrified to try.  What is it, you ask?  I took both girls out to Buy Buy Baby and Carters...and get was wet and rainy the whole time.  And this is even more amazing....we are here and alive!!!! The only minor thing...Ava lost a tennis shoe....have no idea where it could be.  And once I saw it was missing and we were getting into the car while the rain was getting heavier and by that point, I just didn't care where it was.  I decided she needed new tennis shoes, anyway. 

I took the double stroller because I didn't feel like standing out in the rain trying to put Sally in the Ergobaby.  I am saving that for a sunny, warm day.  The stroller is a bit more complicated than the single stroller-harder to manuever and get through doors and such, but Ava does pretty good in it and its so easy to transport Sally because she just stays in her carseat carrier.  So on rainy days, it seems easier. 

We also made a trip to Old Navy to just see what they had for kids clothings...cute stuff btw.  But when we were leaving, the alarm went off.  I immediately thought Ava must have grabbed something and I didn't know it.  But I couldn't find anything that wasn't ours in her hands or in the stroller.  The employees were watching me.  I felt so embarrassed.  Pushing my double stroller being looked at suspiciously while leaving Old Navy.  I'm innocent, people! 

When we got to the house, I put Ava down and she was limping....:(  I was extremely worried, but chalked it up to her foot being asleep.  Then I saw her diaper was bulging and lopsided so I thought that might be throwing her off.  So I changed I her diaper and she was still limping.  My mommy intuition thought it best to call the doctor.  They got us in today.  Everything looks ok, but they want us to monitor her for the next 24-48 hours.  If she starts limping again, they want to see her and will do blood work to get her white blood cell count to check for infection. 

She has not been limping since and is her normal sweet, playful self.  So, hopefully it was just some weird fluke and I was imagining things, but better to be safe than to be sorry. 

I will tell you what...I love these two precious girlsGod has given me!  They are such sweet blessings

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Mommy of 2 day 2

So Day 2 went well.  We had somewhere to go which is always nice because it breaks up the day.  I can say it is nice because I only took one of my little ones with me.  The other smallest one got dropped off with her grandma. 

Sally had a 9 pm, 1:00 or 2:00 am ( I can't remember) and a 6:45 am feeding.  We were able to sleep in between all those feedings, which was super wonderful! 

I got up after her 6:45 am feeding and took a shower.  I got dressed and ready for the day.  Then I headed downstairs with Sally and all her things that I would need down there.  I put her in her boppy seat, which I had situated into her pack n play.  Then I headed back upstairs to get Miss Ava. 

We went downstairs and I put Ava in her high chair.  She ate her yogurt pouch and apple cinnamon muffin.  While she was eating, Sally fussed here and there, but it was nothing a pacifier couldn't usually fix.  I tried to get some dishes and bottles into the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen. 

After breakfast, I dressed Sally and then Ava. 

Around 8:30 am, I fed Sally a bottle.  While I was doing this, Ava played with her toys.  Around 9 am, I put Sally in her carseat.  Then I made sure I had everything for Ava in her diaper bag and everything mom would need to take care of Sally.  I put those things in the car.  Then I put Sally in the car.  I made sure Winston had everything he needed and put him in the bathroom.  Then I loaded Ava into the car.  We headed out. 

I stopped by Dunkin Donuts first for a hot chocolate.  Then we crossed over highway 74 to go drop Sally off with my mom.  I left Ava in the car as I took Sally in.  When Ava realized she wasn't going into grandma's and papa's house, she threw a fit.  We headed out to my Bible study. 

Ava got to play in the nursery and I got to have adult time.

After Bible study, we went to Chick Fil a to grab ourselves something to eat for lunch.  Ava got a kids meal of chicken nuggets (4 count), fruit cup, and a chocolate milk.  I accidently threw the toy away.  :(  Thankfully, Ava had no idea there was even a toy in the bag.  I hadn't shown it to her yet.  I had a Chicken Wrap with spicy dressing, fruit cup, and Sprite and we got grandma a large diet coke. 

We went to grandmas and ate our lunch.  Then we hung out at her house until about 2:30 pm.

Once we got home, Ava drank her milk and around 3:00 I fed Sally another bottle.  Then around 3:30 we all headed up to take a nap.  Sally laid in her crib for about an hour and Ava took a "nap".  While they were napping, I managed to make some brownies while watching Dr. Phil.  Around 5:00 I got Sally out of her crib because she was fussing.  She did some tummy time on her play mat.  Ava finally fell asleep.  Around 6 pm, Sally and I headed downstairs for another bottle.  I left Ava up stairs to sleep because she took forever to fall asleep and I wanted her to get some sleep.

Daddy got home close to 6:30 pm.  He ended up getting dinner for Ava together (leftovers from Chick Fil A.)  He had ravioli lasagna and I had some fruit from Chick Fil A.  After dinner, we all headed out for a nice walk because the weather was absolutely beautiful! 

After that, Ava and daddy watched a movie (The Emperor's New Groove) while Ava drank her milk.  Then they headed upstairs for Ava's bath.  I got Sally's things together for her bath.  Ava screamed upstairs while Sally screamed (and pooped) in her bath downstairs.  But afterwards, they both smelled so go.  I lotioned Sally up in Ava's room while daddy blowdryed Ava's hair.  Then I put away clean clothes in Ava's room while daddy read to Ava and Sally slept on a blanket.  Then we said our prayers and put Ava down. 

I took Sally downstairs to feed her for her 9 pm feeding.  Curtis ironed his work clothes for the next day and then joined me downstairs to eat his bedtime dessert.  We watched Dr. Phil because I wanted Curtis to see how vain and ridiculous this guy on the show was and to see his really funny wife.  Then we headed to bed.  Sally woke up at about 1:40 for her feeding and Curtis took care of that one and then I stayed awake as she tried to get comfortable enough to sleep.  Once she feel asleep she didn't wake up until 4:45 for her next feeding, which I did and then ended up staying up from that point on to start day 3. 

Monday, March 10, 2014

Mommy of 2 babes Day one

Well, we have almost made it through day one together.  So far, so good. 

Last night, Curtis did the 10pm feeding and I did the other feedings.  Sally was up every 3 hours, like clockwork.  However, the positive side of this was that Sally slept between feedings which means I was able to sleep between feedings. 

Curtis left for work around 5:30 am (I think).  I got up around 6:45 am to feed Sally and then I took a shower.  I actually had time to wash, dry and straighten my hair before Sally started crying.  By the time I had done all those things, I took Sally and all her dirty bottles, the bottle warmer, the diaper carrier, and the boppy seat downstairs.  Before I headed downstairs, I listened at Ava's door to see if I heard her.  Sure enough, she was making quiet little noises.  I put Sally in the boppy seat in the pack n play and then headed up to get Ava.

I got Miss Ava out of bed and changed her diaper upstairs.  Then we headed down and I put her in her high chair.  She ate a yogurt pouch, some cheerios, and a breakfast bar.  Then she played for a while.  While Ava was eating, I made Apple Cinnamon muffins and let Winston outside to go potty. 

Once Ava was done eating, she got out of her high chair and played with her toys while I listened to Good Morning America.  I finished making the muffins.  While those were cooking in the oven, I folded towels and put the sheets in the dryer. 

After that, I offered Ava a muffin in her high chair and we had muffins together.  While eating our muffins, I read some of my book we are reading in my Tuesday hometeam. 

Then, Ava played some more.  At 9:30 am, my friend came over to keep me company.  I fed Sally at 9:30 am and then handed her to Kristi to hold.  Kristi held Sally the majority of the time she was there.  Ava occupied herself and played well by herself while I talked to Kristi.  I did have Frozen playing in the background.  Ava watched and drank her milk while playing. 

Around 11:00 am, I took Ava up for her nap.  I didn't even read to her because I had a friend over.  She didn't seem to mind.  She went right down for me.  She slept until 1:00 pm. 

I got Ava at around 1:00 (maybe a little after) to eat lunch.  She had grapes, cheese, turkey, and an English muffin with grape jelly on it.  I fed Sally around 12:30 pm.  While Ava is eating Sally had moments of fussiness.  I would hold her and then realized she exploded in her diaper.  So, I changed her which seemed to make all things better. 

After we ate lunch, we went on a walk.  Getting in the stroller was a little more tricky.  There was a random dog outside and it was barking at me and my kids in my own garage.  Ava was extremely interested in this dog that came right up to her.  Turns out, my neighbor is dog sitting and this little dog is an escape artist.  I put Sally in her car seat and then strapped Ava in the front.  Then I had a couple free hands to put the car seat into the stroller.  We went on a walk and enjoyed the 70 degrees weather. 

When we came home, I gave Ava a snack of a few animal cookies and her milk.  She played for a few minutes and then Ava sat in the baby swing and drank her milk and watched Tangled.  She actually giggled as I turned it on. She watched that and around 3:00 pm I fed Sally.  Sally left about an ounce and a half.  She was already asleep.  Around 3:30 pm I took them both upstairs.  We put Sally in her crib for a nap.  I took Ava into her room and she had her lamby and we read 3 stories.  Then I put her in the crib.  It is 4:40 and she is still not asleep.  She is just in her room talking and playing.  Whatever! 

At 4:00 pm, I ate a snack and watched Dr. Phil.  And here I am now.  Curtis texted about 10 minutes ago that he was on his way home.  So we have made it.  I did it!  Thank you to God who equipped me with enough sleep and perseverance to be the mommy I needed to be today! 

Friday, March 7, 2014

2 under 14 months recap

To start, things are getting better.  I am still at my parent's house, but I am planning on packing up my stuff and heading home tomorrow.  I am starting to realize that a big part of my problem is control.  I am reading a book called, She's Got Issues, and the author, Nicole Unice, talks about the issues of control.  When Curtis and I got food poisoning, I had no control over that situation.  My plan was to get home from the hospital and hit the road running.  I didn't plan on being secluded from my children, scared to death to touch them, not able to get up and feed my family or myself.  I was caught so off guard from getting sick that I lost all hope.  I started realizing that my schedule that Ava does so well with was going to be tampered with.  I realized that the amount of sleep Ava had been allowing Curtis and I to have was going to disappear.  I realized that Ava was going to change in her reactions to things, because 1)that is what 14 month olds do and 2) because the world around her had quickly changed.

Things are better.  I still haven't lived life with 2 babies on my own yet, but I am feeling more confident that I can do this.  I have had amazing support from my family and so many friends have been checking in on me, praying for me, and offering time up to me to come and visit.  I couldn't have made it through these last 2 weeks without them.  I am so thankful that I have family so close that is so willing to help and come to my rescue.

Sally still doesn't like to sleep at night alone.  She will go like 5 hours between feedings at night, but will only eat if she is with one of us.  She sleeps a lot during the day and enjoys sleeping on her tummy in her boppy.  She actually just picked her head up from one side and turned it to the other side.  Strong little booger.

Ava is still adjusting.  But we have noticed that as I have eased up, she is happier.  I think my attitude was rubbing off on her.  She was feeling the stress of me and it was stressing her out.  At mom's house there is a lot more for her to get into, so we have had to watch her even closer than I would at my home. She is starting to eat her food again and she is still sleeping and napping well.  However, this morning she was already in timeout before she ate her breakfast...about 10 minutes (if that) after getting out of bed.

If you are reading this and have offered love and support in some kind of way, thank you. It has been appreciated and very much needed.  This journey is far from over.  But as a friend reminded me today, at least I have my little ones to hug and kiss and play with and family that is close by and safe.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Ava is 15 months old

Ava is now 15 months old.  She has taken on a change that makes me sad because i feel it is my fault.  She loves on her sister but she is reacting in ways that aren't her normal self.  She arches her back over anything that doesn't go her way.  Changing her diaper has become World War 3.  Feeding her is like meeting a lion on an African safari head on.

Her 15th month is such a whirlwind with Sally coming and all.  I hate that I have missed moments of this month because we have a new baby to take care of, we are sleep deprived, and I am just an emotional mess.

This month she has taken a lack of interest in eating.  She just does not have time for that.  She eats a few bites of something and then stands up, backwards, in her high chair.  However, she has really taken a liking to her milk.    She doesn't want to be confined in any spot, unless it is of her choosing.

She is still sleeping well (Thank goodness!)  So far, Sally screaming at night doesn't seem to disturb her.  I hope that continues.

I know that when I was pregnant with Ava, Curtis and I said we weren't going to let her watch tv until she was like 4.  Ha!  She knows all the scary parts of Brave and all the funny parts of Tangled and all the fun songs to dance to in Frozen.  So epic failure there, but with a new baby and a 15 month old, you enter total and complete survival mode.  If it keeps Ava entertained and out of trouble, then what the heck!?!?!

Since Sally has come, Ava has a sudden interest in pacifiers, bottles, the baby swing and cradle.  She is very interested in Sally.  One time, I had put Sally in the cradle and walked over to wash bottles.  I look over and Ava is standing by the cradle.  I decided it might be a good idea to go take a peak at what could be going on.  Good thing I did.  Ava had Sally's head pulled all the way over to the side of the cradle.  Sally wasn't upset or disturbed by it.

Things I loved about this month:
~ trying to hug Sally
~trying to take Sally from mommy because she thinks she has things under control
~helping burp Sally
~walking the dog on a leash
~putting her shapes into the shape sorter
~trying new foods and saying "ummm"
~attempting to say thank you
~helping throw diapers away
~random hugs and kisses (she saves a lot of those for daddy when he gets home)
~when she gives hugs she says "awwww"
~her nasally NOOOO

2 under 14 months

Wow!  I NEVER once in a million years thought this transition would be so hard in so many different ways.  I knew it would be different and at times difficult, but not to the point of needing to stay with my mom for a week because I was so emotional and couldn't even think about being alone once Curtis went back to work.

Of course, Curtis and I getting food poisoning didn't help matters and I feel that is where everything went downhill.  I was terrified to touch my children,especially Sally, because there was this voice in the back of my head telling me it was a horrible virus that was going to be spread to my children and send Sally to the NICU.  I also became extremely clingy to Curtis and the thought of him going back to work brought on major water works.

Then, Sally prefers to be held at night.  I don't sleep well when I am holding her...afraid I will drop her or roll over on her.  But it is often the only way she will fall asleep.  So, I am at that point where you do what you have got to do to make it...survival mode.  I keep praying that God will help me not need to sleep so much. That He will teach me how to cope without it.

Ava has become a different child overnight.  She throws fits over the silliest of things and gets her feelings hurt often.  She is into everything more so than normal and totally sabotages herself.   It has been hard watching your child change right in front of your eyes from the once compliant, easy-going child they were to someone who throws fits every time you turn around.  You almost feel like this change in personality is all your doing since you brought another child into the house.

My attitude was so poor and concerning, Curtis and I both thought it was best to spend some time at my moms so I wouldn't be alone.  I was so emotional and just not myself AT ALL, Curtis thought it was best I go see a doctor.  So I did, and they suggested meds.  I am not a medicine person.  So I am giving it a little time to see if I feel better before I resort to medicine.

I have noticed getting out and, also, being able to spend individual time with both girls has helped.  Of course, I would still be a wreck if it weren't for my mom, the amazing generosity of my friends from church who have provided me with food, and my friends and their encouragement, support and love.

I know this is just a bump in the road and  I will overcome it.  It is a it a challenge!  I know I am blessed beyond measure to have 2 beautiful, healthy girls and family and friends all around.  Just a season of life to get through and I know I can do it!