Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Looking back on year 2012

I have done a lot of thinking the past week, ever since our daughter, Ava Elizabeth Alford, entered our lives.  2012 has had some whirlwind changes.  I feel blessed beyond measure.  I am so grateful for everything, especially because I am so undeserving. 

The best thing that has ever happened to me happened on December 5, 2012.  Her name is Ava Elizabeth.  She came into this world a week later than she was supposed to and would still be in there if she could I am sure.  She was 9lbs. 6 oz. and had to be delivered by c-section.  Doctors talked about me being induced for 2 days if it took that long.  I wasn't thrilled about the idea.  I didn't want to go through 2 days of labor and still end up having to have a c-section.  We were admitted into the hospital Wednesday evening and I started pitocin.  I had pitocin all the next day until about 4 pm and they had given me the max amount.  I was in a lot of pain because I ended up trying to do as much as I could naturally.  After many hours of pitocin, I was not dilating at all and it was time to get my little girl out.  I was sent in for a c-section.  I was terrified.  I knew it was a possibility but when I was told this really is the only option I was emotional and extremely anxious. 

They took me back and separated me from Curtis for a while.  I was not really thrilled about that because Curtis is the calm one in situations such as these.  I got a spinal tap at this point and that was the hardest part.  I was pretty difficult for the anesthesiologist.  Finally, they brought Curtis in and a sense of calm came over me.  I remember asking the nurse if the doctor had cut me and she said that the baby was almost out.  I wasn't feeling a thing.  My doctor did such an excellent job at the surgery.  Everyone in the OR was like rock stars.  Then, at 5:08, my little girl entered this world.  She was so pudgy and I instantly fell in love.  Ever since meeting her, I have had a whole new perspective on life.  If I go back to teaching, I will not be the same teacher I was before I had my own child.  I totally understand a parents desire to always protect their children.  The protective instinct kicks in instantly.  Being a mommy is the best job I will ever have.  She is the best part of me.  I am so happy to have this little girl in my life and I love her so much.  Even though I am extremely exhausted, emotional, frustrated with feeding times occassionally, I wouldn't trade one second of it. 

Thank you God for the many blessings You have bestowed on me and my family.  I am not deserving of any of it, but You have provided it for me anyway.  You have given me Your little girl to raise and it's not a job I take lightly.  Thank you for trusting me and Curtis with one of Your little angels.