Monday, March 19, 2012

Everlasting God

This song was sung at church. During this time in my life I needed to hear it. We have an everlasting God. He is always there. I have listened to this song several times since hearing it the other day and I get emotional every time. There are days when I feel so far from my everlasting Father. I know I put myself there, but the feeling is there, all the same. Right now my situation seems unchangeable. So many times I cannot see the situation changing, but this song has reminded me that my God is an everlasting, never-changing, always stays the same God. He can take this situation in my life and change it because He is there...always there.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

God is big enough for BOTH

At church I heard something I really needed to hear. Curtis and I have been trying to start our family and it hasn't been as easy for us as it is for others. Because of this, we are taking steps to plan this happening. Everyone tells you to just have faith and believe it will happen. So, when we have been "planning" the next steps I felt guilty--like I was not trusting God to allow this to happen on His terms. The lesson at church was on dumb dichotomies. The question Steven Furtick posed was, Should I make plans or should I trust in God? The answer is BOTH! In Proverbs 16:9 it says, " In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." I am not wrong in taking the necessary steps to make this happen and to figure out what is wrong. But I also have to allow God to hold me by the hand and take me where He wants me to go.

I love to control things...especially my life. One thing I have learned the past year and a half as Curtis and I have walked this long, sad, extremely hard and frustrating road is that I am not in control. If I were, I would have 2-3 kids by now. I have seen that I never was in control. However, even though I know this to be true, I still struggle with letting go of the control I already know I do not have. Even though I know that ultimately God is going to do what He wants to do, I still feel that this is my life and I do have some control over it. I know it is true that I should have faith. I know it is true that I should completely trust in God. I know that He loves me and wants the best for me. I don't, however, always see that. Just the other night, I cried and cried over the fact that all my friends are getting pregnant and the one thing I want most is to have a baby and for some reason I can't help but feel I am being punished for something or God doesn't trust me with the task of being a parent. I know these are irrational. But, I am sure, any of you going through something similar, totally understand.

God is big enough for this season in my life. I don't know what that means necessarily. I don't know where He is taking us. But, I am trying to know that He is with me here and that His love will light my way. I know that not everyday is going to be easy. But, as I surround myself with songs of His love and faithfulness, and the peace that I find in His word, that He is there with me...always.

As Steven Furtick said-"With God, you CAN have your cake AND eat it too!"