School Year 2020-2021

This year has been a little crazy with so many ups and downs in our little and big world.  I haven't spent time to blog any of this years journey in over a year.  I am realizing that as much as I wish I were better at writing and getting thoughts out and documenting our journey, I JUST AM NOT! I can barely take care of the day to day much less actually get a thought out on paper or even get a thought.  :)  It is something I want to get better at.  I want to do a better job of keeping up with our memories, documenting our school journey and what life was like each year.  I realized how bad I have done with this yesterday when I had the brilliant idea to make a yearbook of our school year and went to google photos and realized I have maybe two handfuls of pictures of us actually doing school.  Like WHAT.IN.THE.ACTUAL.WORLD?!?!

Anyway, this year has been one of a kind.  When the pandemic hit and Curtis was working from home I thought it was such a glorious time.  Each morning and early afternoon was spent out in the front yard with our picnic blanket reading books, coloring, watercoloring, eating snacks and lunch.  Eventually, we would follow the sun to the backyard and the girls would work on their gardens and play on the swingset.  But then, Curtis was back at work.  We were in the thick of summer and sweltering heat and our outside time ended abruptly.  

I remember thinking that I actually liked the quarantine because we were literally not allowed to do anything.  Everything was cancelled.  There was no guilt for missing anything because our not being able to do stuff was completely out of my hands.  It wasn't up to me.  I remember naively thinking that this new normal of slower pace was something that was going to be good for our family.  And it was.  However, I thought we would be back to our actual normal by now and over a year later, we still are not.  Masks are still mandated in NC, libraries don't want you to linger, CFA dining is not open.  Not only that but we have seen our country toppling over with so many horrific things and destructive agendas.  I am completely saddened and overwhelmed with the state of our country.  

I am worried about many things.  What will happen in this country regarding voter integrity and our rights and freedoms as American citizens?  What kind of world will my girls have to grow up in?  Will my homeschooling rights be taken from me?  Am I messing my kids up with my own sinful issues?  What is this world coming to?  When is Jesus coming back...Jesus please come back.  

So this homeschool year was different with all these thoughts taking up permanent residence in my brain.  Not only that, but I was also grieving the loss of baby still over last summer and realizing 100% that God knew what He was doing when He took my baby to be with with Him in heaven.  My baby would never know the pain and suffering of this world and I was grateful and found so much peace over that.  While my arms would ache to hold him, my heart was full because he got to see our Savior face to face from his very beginning.  

I am tired.  Tired of the hypocrisy, the ignorance, the division, the lies, the corruption, the evil.  It is interesting that I read something today in Revelation that said to let the evil continue to do evil...meaning it is going to happen.  There is not a thing I can do to stop it, but  the righteous must continue to do right.  Evil is here and it is here to stay until Jesus comes.  I can't continue to wish it away, but I should be doing my all to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth.  

I realized today also that I am so sick and tired of reading all these books and be so fully into and committed to what it is telling me to do only to fall flat on my face a day or week after reading these books.  How far am I willing to go before I am so fed up with myself and I finally fall on my knees before God?  What is it going to take?  I need to wake up for the sake of my family.  No more excuses.  No more self deprecation.  No more justifying.  It needs to be over.  Me and my selfish ways must come to an abrupt end.  And there should be no turning back.  

So, while I don't feel like I have much to document, because frankly, I can't remember a darn thing, I do want to do this more.  Get back on that horse!