Sunday, March 13, 2011

Who's neck am I going to step on?

Really I should title this what's neck am I going to step on instead of who's

Anyway, sometimes I think my neck is the neck that needs to be stepped on...but I know that is satan talking to me and not the love of God. David at Center City posed that question today...a great one I thought. One that made me think and I came up with a few things I need to step on. I am struggling at work. I am easily frustrated...not with my kids, but coworkers. I just get so agitated. I have had a very cold heart this past week, especially. I hate this about me and I want it to change. I think I am better at my job than others, that I have all the answers, etc., etc., etc. I need to step on the neck of pridefulness. I have recently learned that I am a very proud person...not very humble at all. I have got to see others before myself. In 1 Peter 5:5 it says God opposes the proud but give grace to the humble. I want to be someone who is quiet and not quick to speak or act. I am not those things at all.

I am a very opinionated, black and white, my way or the high way kind of person. This can be a good thing. Being this way kept me strong in very hard times in life where for most it was easy to choose friends or paths that were cool but not right. I didn't care about being in the "in" crowd. I was and am proud of who I was/am and was sure of who I was/am. There is no changing it. In this case being so strong-willed is good. However, it does have its detriments, too. When someone doesn't quite agree with me I think they are simple minded and think I am better than they are. This doesn't leave my heart very open to showing them the love of Christ. Sometimes, I feel like I done all the running of my life...and honestly...I haven't let God take the reigns of most of it. I profess His name, I certainly believe in Him and His power and sovereignty...but why don't I believe it and allow it for my own life? I have to be so frustrating to Him. Yet, maybe I am not. One thing is for sure...I am truly thankful that He is God and I am not. I would not be so forgiving...of even myself.

Father, I need you. I truly do. I have known this all my life. Yet, I struggle with allowing You to take the lead. Father, because I haven't let You in as I should have, there are many things inside of me fighting. I am not the person You need me to be. I don't even know if I know who that is anymore because I have dug myself into such a muddy hole. I need Your strength. The strength You have to quiet and still rivers, to move mountains, to make the Earth stand still. I need Your wisdom and Your light to brighten my heart and my head. Help me to step on the neck of being prideful. I don't want to be prideful anymore. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I am just me and that is good enough to You. Why isn't it good enough for me? I have realized that I am not as strong as I thought I was. I am weak and can only make it with Your strength. Please help me to seek Your strength, every day, in everything I do. Help me to be more mindful of my thoughts. Let loving words and gestures flow out of me. Help me to love my coworkers as You have loved me.

This verse was read today and it gives me hope!
Psalms 30: 1-5
I will exalt you, O LORD, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. O LORD, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit. Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Every Season

So, I think every week (we will see about that...) I am going to think of a song that I can apply to my life. It may be an old song, a new song, who knows??? Since going to Center City, I have met several people there who refer to live in seasons. I love looking at it in that perspective. I also can't believe I have never looked at it in that way before...especially with the chapter in Ecclesiastes. I like looking at life as seasons, because you know seasons come and seasons go. I am ready for this season of my life to move on to a new one. I am ready for the busyness to come to an end, I am ready to spend some real quality time with my husband, I am ready to have a break from the stress of my job, I am ready to begin motherhood...

I know God is working in me, on me, and through me. I know there are reasons why I haven't gotten pregnant and I am trusting God in that. I don't know the reasons, but I know He has them. I think God is working on me and I need to form a more perfect bond with Him. My husband and I need to be more united in Him and in each other. God needs us to make Him the number one priority in our life, so we can be the parents He desires us to be...ones that will raise our child or children to know Him, really know Him, love Him, live life to serve Him and serve others.

Anyway, this song below is a song I have loved for many, many years. I love to think about it, sing it and meditate on it when I am stressed and feel like there will be no end....It is called Every Season and it is sung by Nicole Nordeman. I love it and I think you will too!

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring