Sunday, March 13, 2011

Who's neck am I going to step on?

Really I should title this what's neck am I going to step on instead of who's

Anyway, sometimes I think my neck is the neck that needs to be stepped on...but I know that is satan talking to me and not the love of God. David at Center City posed that question today...a great one I thought. One that made me think and I came up with a few things I need to step on. I am struggling at work. I am easily frustrated...not with my kids, but coworkers. I just get so agitated. I have had a very cold heart this past week, especially. I hate this about me and I want it to change. I think I am better at my job than others, that I have all the answers, etc., etc., etc. I need to step on the neck of pridefulness. I have recently learned that I am a very proud person...not very humble at all. I have got to see others before myself. In 1 Peter 5:5 it says God opposes the proud but give grace to the humble. I want to be someone who is quiet and not quick to speak or act. I am not those things at all.

I am a very opinionated, black and white, my way or the high way kind of person. This can be a good thing. Being this way kept me strong in very hard times in life where for most it was easy to choose friends or paths that were cool but not right. I didn't care about being in the "in" crowd. I was and am proud of who I was/am and was sure of who I was/am. There is no changing it. In this case being so strong-willed is good. However, it does have its detriments, too. When someone doesn't quite agree with me I think they are simple minded and think I am better than they are. This doesn't leave my heart very open to showing them the love of Christ. Sometimes, I feel like I done all the running of my life...and honestly...I haven't let God take the reigns of most of it. I profess His name, I certainly believe in Him and His power and sovereignty...but why don't I believe it and allow it for my own life? I have to be so frustrating to Him. Yet, maybe I am not. One thing is for sure...I am truly thankful that He is God and I am not. I would not be so forgiving...of even myself.

Father, I need you. I truly do. I have known this all my life. Yet, I struggle with allowing You to take the lead. Father, because I haven't let You in as I should have, there are many things inside of me fighting. I am not the person You need me to be. I don't even know if I know who that is anymore because I have dug myself into such a muddy hole. I need Your strength. The strength You have to quiet and still rivers, to move mountains, to make the Earth stand still. I need Your wisdom and Your light to brighten my heart and my head. Help me to step on the neck of being prideful. I don't want to be prideful anymore. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I am just me and that is good enough to You. Why isn't it good enough for me? I have realized that I am not as strong as I thought I was. I am weak and can only make it with Your strength. Please help me to seek Your strength, every day, in everything I do. Help me to be more mindful of my thoughts. Let loving words and gestures flow out of me. Help me to love my coworkers as You have loved me.


This verse was read today and it gives me hope!
Psalms 30: 1-5
I will exalt you, O LORD, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. O LORD, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit. Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

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