Thursday, June 19, 2014

Parenting on my knees



I look around me and I see other moms doing it.  I see children doing it.  I see moms being consistent, loving and affirming to their children.  And I see their children responding appropriately.  I see them listening and being obedient.  Oh, how I wish I was that mom.  They have it ALL together.  They know what they are doing.  They make this thing we call parenting look so easy.  They make me so envious...


I never thought in a million years I would feel like such a failure at parenting.  I know I have a long road ahead of me when my oldest is only 18 months old, but geesh!  I really had no clue what I signed up for.  Parenting is SO hard.  The hardest thing I have ever done,  by far. 

My 18 month old, Ava, is giving me a run for my money.  She is a spit fire, strong willed, stubborn, and has a super strong personality.  I know these can be good things, if channeled right.  But how do you corral a strong willed, determined 18 month old correctly.  What do I let her get away with and what do I put a firm stop to?  How do you stop certain behaviors?  I don't know...I have been at a loss.  The only thing I have been able to do is get on my knees and pray to God that He will guide me on this journey. 

In this day in age and in this culture, we need women who are strong, independent, and determined.  We need women who are not going to be swayed by the wordly ways.  Who are not going to let someone else tell them who they are supposed to be.  I hope Ava is this.  I hope she is strong enough to be who God created her to be.  I hope she is determined to follow God's path for her life.  I hope her only goal in life is to please Him.  But how do I get her there? How do I show her that? 

I was researching what the Bible says about parenting and it listed all the verses.  You know the ones.  The verses in Proverbs, Deuteronomy 6, etc and I still felt confused.  Then I came across this website and it was AMAZING.  Exactly what I needed to hear.  It said that I cannot make my children holy, save them, make a Christian disciple out of them, or dictate their personality.  But I can give them direction, allow God's grace to function in my children and allow God's grace to function in my life as a parent. 

Then it went on to say that children are not an extension of me, not a project, possession (they belong to God), or trophies, but they are gifts from the Lord, my number one priority responsibility as a parent, and an opportunity for me to develop personally in love, unselfishness, and deference.  Ava does not need me to pretend that I am God.  She doesn't need me to be a police officer in her life.  She also doesn't need everything handed to her or freedom to do whatever she wants or to be in control of the household.  What Ava does need is for me to be her caregiver-to love her, nurture her, and give her direction.  She needs me to help her meet her personal development needs.  She needs me to relate to her personally and individually.  She needs a mother who respects her feelings, understands and is okay that she is her own individual and we are different, and gives her the freedom to think and feel. She needs a mother who is an excellent role model of whatever behavior and character traits I am wanting to develop in her.  She needs a mother who is consistent and honest. She needs a mother who rallies behind her and never tells her she can't accomplish something.  She needs a loving mother and a forgiving mother.  

The only way that I can accomplish this is-Jesus.  I need to fix my eyes on Him.  I need to allow Him to function in my family.  I need to let Him live out in me.   I don't have to be so rigid and scared I am not doing it right.  I need to relax, have fun, ENJOY MY GIRLS! 

I have spend many of my quiet times with God praying over Ava and Sally.  I have spent many prayers praying for Curtis and I as we parent these two girls.  I have noticed a difference in Ava since I have been more purposeful in praying about the things that worry and scare me about parenting.  I know it isn't going to be easy.  I know Ava, Sally, Curtis and I will make mistakes.  But I know with God by my side, He will empower me to be the parent He created and purposed me to be and  I know He will be gracious to me when I fail, which is inevitable. 

I know those moms I see who appear to have it all together...I know there are days when they are in tears because they feel so lost or scared and don't know what to do.  I know there are days when they are constantly on their knees asking God to intervene and that's ok because...

from my perspective, on my knees, inviting God in, is the best place to be. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh Mandy, it's so refreshing to read o blog that doesn't make me feel like more of a failure! I had no clue how hard parenting was going to be, it is quite shocking. I feel so sorry for the parents who try to do this without Jesus, because of Him I can try again and I may fail again but maybe I will fail better. I get glimpses from time to time that what I am doing is sinking in and other times I get slapped in the face with something new to work on or change in myself! This journey is no easy feat, it's not just precious bundles of joy to love on.

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