It has been a while since I have been on here...I wish I came with some great things to say and offer, but I don't.

Curtis and I are trying to start a family, but my doctor called me Friday with some unfavorable news. I have had a hard time since Friday smiling and enjoying life. Tomorrow, Curtis and I celebrate 8 years together and all I can think is that it is 8 years with no children and we may very well not ever have our own. I am not closed to adoption, nor have I ever been, but we wanted to have a couple of our own first. But, it seems God's plan is very different than mine. I know His plan is better, but right now I am having a hard time understanding that. I sat in church Sunday and I was not there. I felt so far away from God. I know I put that distance there. My heart was definitely not in the right place.

My mom told me that I have always been very good and loving towards other people's kids, so maybe God has been preparing my heart to love and care for someone else's child that needs a home. Even though that may be true, it doesn't make the feelings easier that come with finding out you may not be able to physically have your own children.

We are meeting with a special doctor soon, but in the meantime, we are going to start researching adoption and getting a better understanding of that. So, here is to what may be a new journey for us and I hope that my heart will open up to it.